Change

I had a wonderful friend; may she rest in peace. We’d work out then meet at a restaurant for lunch. If the restaurant was closed when I got there, I’d just laugh. I knew my friend would never show up and look for a place to go instead. She wouldn’t want to adjust to the change in our plans and make a new plan. If the restaurant was closed then that was it, we just didn’t have lunch together that day. That’s it. She didn’t like change.

Changes are harder for some people than others, that’s just the way we’re built. Those of us who tend to be persistent may not like change. Those of us who don’t tolerate much ambiguity may not like change. Who knows, some people may just not like change. Who knows why and it’s their business anyway.

For those who have difficulty with change, I’m offering some suggestions:

Be honest with yourself about what you’re experiencing – what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling.

Figure out when change causes you stress – it may show up in changes in your eating, sleeping or hopefulness.

Figure out what  your ways are to reduce your stress and use them.

Talk about your experience to  other people.

Get as much information as you can about the change.

Make an effort to think and react positively. Regularly thinking negative thoughts can develop into a habit – a kind of “the glass is half empty” syndrome. Pleasant and positive people are easy to be around. Negative people are more difficult to be around. Since it’s better to have some support from others when you’re going through changes in your life, try to be the one that’s pleasant to be around.

Let yourself be sad about your losses – Change often means losing the familiar and gaining the unfamiliar. Loss of an ideal or a dream can make you feel a lot of sadness. Unfinished sadness from past losses comes back to us at our next loss. Do the work you need to do to be healthy by feeling your feelings. We grieve best in the presence of others.

Let go by starting anew. You have to put a thing down in order to pick another thing up. You can’t end something well without also making a different, new beginning. Nature really does abhor a vacuum.

Helpful?