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What are they? Where’d they come from? How come we miss them sometimes? What can we do about that? Apparently around the 1600s, navy ships started raising a red flag to warn of danger. Red flags were used during battles and wars for the same reason. In our day to day life, a red flag is so mething that sparks our attention because it shows up as kind of out of the ordinary. There are people who notice red flags, notice something about a person or a situation that makes it sta

In my work I hear a lot of complaints/complaining. I get it, life can be hard, sometimes really hard. I get it. Sometimes you may feel like you just want to push it out, express that feeling; experience that righteous indignation; maybe even point out that you’re better than what you had to go through. It might feel like it’s good to say it, to tell people about what’s wrong now or what happened then and get it off your chest. But actually complaining over and over won’t m

OR don’t be intimidated into acting as if you’re different than who you are How much of yourself do you show people? If someone asked another person about you, what would they say? Would they be right? Is that how you think you are too? Do you act differently with different people? Do you try to make other people like you or not give you a hard time by acting a certain way, even though it’s not really who you are? Good or bad, the things that people say about you are not y

So many people I see feel really lonely. Did people always feel this way? Back in the old days were people lonely as well? The internet says no for many reasons, one of them being itself! If you’re lonely, do you think it’s hopeless or that you can do something about it? Do you have a belief that you have control over some things in your life or not? It may require a little self-talk for sure but at least you’re in control of your attitude, good or bad, positive or negative.

I had a wonderful friend; may she rest in peace. We’d work out then meet at a restaurant for lunch. If the restaurant was closed when I got there, I’d just laugh. I knew my friend would never show up and look for a place to go instead. She wouldn’t want to adjust to the change in our plans and make a new plan. If the restaurant was closed then that was it, we just didn’t have lunch together that day. That’s it. She didn’t like change. Changes are harder for some people than o

What does it mean to be bitter? It seems it’s kind of a mix of feelings – sad, angry, resentful, thinking like life hasn’t been fair to you or to your people. Bad stuff happened and we feel like we didn’t deserve it and maybe we really didn’t, but it happened anyway. How are we gonna handle it? We can resent it for a while and for sure we probably will, but do we want to keep thinking about it, keep holding on to it? If we keep that up, we just continue to lose. It’s bad e

People say they don’t want to argue; they don’t like confrontation. But it’s possible to talk with someone who has different ideas and not argue with them. It’s possible even if you don’t agree with them, even if you think you can’t make them understand what you’re trying to say. You don’t have to feel like you’re being a bad person. Of course it could be you’ve tried before, and you think you already know what they’re going to say so you just don’t even want to try. Some co

It seems to be everywhere, and people are using it for so much. We worried about robots taking over the world and never thought that artificial intelligence would instead! I just read about another Artificial Intelligence (AI) company offering “therapy”, which I think cannot offer an interpersonal relationship cause there’s no “personal” in Artificial. Then I wonder, how did this start? Is an AI therapist worried if it’s doing a good job or not? Is it tired at the end of the

What are they? Some people say “please” when they ask for something and “thank you” when it’s given to them to show that they’re grateful. They’re being polite, they don’t interrupt when people are talking, they respect the personal space of others. Manners are really an agreement between people. We agree to show the other person respect and treat them a certain way, and we hope to get the same respect and treatment back from them. Some people reject the idea of manners beca

This idea comes up from time to time – that someone doesn’t have enough self-confidence. What does that mean really? Sometimes we see...

My cat likes to do the same things at the same time, day in and day out. Get up, eat, nap, eat, nap more; eat, sleep at night; get up in...

I know someone who’s a writer. She’s been writing since she was a child. She’s pretty good. She submitted a story, and it didn’t get...

What’s your intention for your life? What does that even mean? Does your life have meaning? Should it? If it does, does it have meaning...

Turns out that’s a phrase from an interesting, longish poem by Robert Frost. It kind of outlines that people benefit from having...

Life has pressure. That doesn’t change. Sometimes It’s up, sometimes it’s down. It might be good for us to remind ourselves from time to...

So how’s your diet? Really? Did you know there’s this back and forth between your gut and your brain? All that bacteria and stuff inside...

So on Father’s Day weekend, I ended up going to a cemetery. Waiting in the car I looked at the beautiful smooth green lawn, the shading...

It’s been a theme of mine lately – not just letting life happen to you but wrestling it to the ground and making it as much as possible...

Went to a family event this weekend. Made me think about family – blended, traditional, splintered, blessed – what's a family, what makes...

So much work! I realize this isn’t going to be a blog. Maybe it’s a microblog, or an anti-blog or just some “Therapist’s Thoughts”. I’ve...